The bleeding came on hard and fast and it just wouldn't stop.
After an hour of contemplation, I knew I had to do what I never want to do.
So we said (too fast) goodbyes and jumped in the car -Brodie, Elka, me -
and we raced the clock to the ER not knowing what was ahead.
But God...He knew.
The horror of that hour-long drive will leave its mark. The fears were legitimate this time. There was a sense of urgency and yet...a trust that I can't understand as I submitted helplessly to the irresistible plans that my Good Father had set before me for this pregnancy. It was what it was and I knew that He was in control.
Arrival. Relief. Admission. Assessment. Ultrasound. Wait...
My OB "just happened" to be the on-call doctor of the night. Thank you Lord. And the look on her face didn't surprise me much as she approached with the news I'd prepared myself for. My worst case scenario had become my reality. All the trauma I'd already experienced coupled with the events of the preceding week had accomplished...nothing.
My womb was still full. My heart too. I guess I wasn't the only one who didn't want to let go.
The verdict: Surprise D&C.
So in the middle of the night, with my babies all at home and a rushed goodbye and tears and somberness and God was the Maker of it all on His throne wise and loving, there I was and that's what happened and I'm just waking up here to the reality that it wasn't all a dream.
And God is still good.
"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for you are with me."
Psalm 23:4
