Over the years and as our family has grown,
I've found that some of the most common questions we're asked begin with,
"How do we find the time to...(fill in the blank)?"
How do we find the time to be alone with each of our children?
How do we find the time to be alone as a couple?
How do we find the time to have quiet time with the Lord?
These three, among others, are probably the most frequent. My initial response
(as I reevaluate my own heart in asking myself these questions once again) is:
"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
Matthew 6:21
Our priorities dictate how we spend our time. Of course, we can rearrange our priorities with intentionality and reshape how we spend our time, but our natural inclinations (where our treasure lies) will always influence our drive to actually accomplish and follow through with that which we value. In other words, if something matters to us...we will do it.
It's like when my second born, as an 18 month old, wanted desperately to wear flip flops like his big sister. This was back before ankle straps were commonplace, so he was attempting the near impossible by walking, running, jumping in his strapless big boy flip flops. Nothing could stop my little determined toddler. I remember people asking me often when we were out, "How do you get him to wear those miniature sized, adorably tiny shoes?! I can't get my child to wear them!" "I don't," was the only logical reply, because I really didn't. He wanted to...passionately...and so, he did.
Where there's a will, there's a way. Is that how the saying goes? When it comes to priorities then, we would be wise to ask God to lead our hearts into alignment with His will, knowing that when we submit our lives to Him, the treasures of our hearts grow more and more like His. The things we value are that which He values. That's the goal.
"But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."
2 Peter 3:18
This morning as I ask myself the questions above and attempt to convey how we find the time for each of those VIP priorities, what I find is that I'm exceptionally motivated from the inside out to do each. Quantity Time with God and quality as well as Quantity Time with my spouse and children are valuable treasures in my heart...and so I don't need to necessarily "find" the time for such things. Rather, I find that I can't not do those things because they are my top priorities. I want to do them all, very much in fact, and I believe those desires are rooted and cultivated in the nourishing soil of communion with God and His Word.
TIME WITH THE LORD
In particular, when it comes to my own devotional time with God and His Word through prayer, Bible reading, writing, pondering, I can't avoid my motivation to spend time doing such things. I actually feel like I have to commune with Him in this way all day, everyday, in an abiding fellowship type of communion or else I find myself depleted, even worthless really. He is my greatest Treasure, my oxygen, and I am totally dependent upon His grace.
Spending time in fellowship with Jesus is a necessity in my life. It is not a 15 minute ritual I check off my list in the morning. Jesus fuels every thought, motive, action I invest in. He is the One who has drawn me into fellowship with Himself, so I praise Him! Thank you, Lord, for teaching me how to desire you!
But, don't the kids wake up early? And, don't they have 78 billion needs? And, what if there just isn't enough time in the day?
Yes, my kids wake up early...some very early, but they know and respect that my time with the Lord is the first fruit of each day. Also, I tend to retreat to my Bible throughout the day as well, or to spend time in prayer as I lay down with a sleepy little one, or to talk to God while I chop vegetables for dinner or fold laundry. Quantity Time with God engulfs every component of my day. Praying without ceasing is ingrained in my heart as relational priority #1. I'm in constant dialog with Him.
And, yes, the needs are unending, but somehow God works it all out when I choose Him first. He's supernatural in that way. He is faithful even to work on my selfish heart when I, in my flesh, don't want to stop what I'm up to in order to meet a need. But, there is a balancing act going on here. God's Word encourages me to be faithful in the small things and to realize that whatever I do for another, I'm actually doing unto Him. So, even in meeting the demands that momentarily deter me from my time with God Himself, He guides me through servanthood and teaches me daily how to become more like Him through it all. Jesus was a servant.
And, yes, there is never enough time for many things in each day, but I like to say that there's always time to do God's will. When we yield our lives and the best of our time to Him first, He reciprocates by ordering our lives according to His best plan. Put it this way, with all that battles for our daily attentions, if there's one thing in life that's worth prioritizing and spending more of our time on...it's sitting at Jesus' feet...being with Him.
"Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, 'Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.' But the Lord answered her, 'Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.'”
Luke 10:38-42
I know that I know that there is no more effective way to encourage my children in their own walk with Jesus than to model one of intense devotion to Him myself. They see me behind closed doors. They know the journey of this mercy-covered sinner. They see the delight of my heart is Him and they know that He is good. This is the best gift I can give to them.
So, when I ask my kids to allow me to have time alone before the Lord, they get it. They understand the importance. Hopefully my devotion to Him spurs them on in their own relationship with Jesus more and more as well, because He is ALL they need.
"Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart."
Psalm 37:4
"Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you."
James 4:8
Out of intimately yoked communion with Christ, flow natural desires that are synced with His heart and will for our lives. As such, I find that in this season of parenting, God has given me His desires to spend time not only with my family as a whole, but also within the context of each day to search out moments with individual children and especially my spouse.
TIME AS A COUPLE
Brodie and I have always valued our time together as a couple. He's my best friend, I'm his, and we like spending time with each other. Our kids understand the concept that in order to have a relationship that grows together, we need to spend time together, and this gives them a sense of security they deserve.
Recently, finding that with our increase in children and a home that remains the same size ;), we decided to buy a couch for our bedroom where we can retreat and steal away each day with one another to connect and share our hearts (usually over a cup of steaming coffee or tea). The kids know that if we are on our couch, they are not in the room, and (most of the time) they respect this.
Brodie and I cherish our isolated conversations and prayer times together. We seek each other out. We talk and dream and discuss and resolve. God uses our devotional time as a couple to keep us linked up with Himself and one another. It is not something we schedule in. It is not something we check off a To Do list. It is our priority. We need it...and so, just like the solitary time we spend with the Lord, we don't necessarily need to "find" time to spend as a couple. Rather, it's a necessity, another form of oxygen, something we want to do.
Certainly, our time as a couple, just like everything else goes through seasons of change and this particular season is one of high-demand parenting and less out-on-the-town dating, but we wouldn't have it any other way. We love in-house date nights and our kids enjoy allowing us that time at night. We love watching the kids surf together, talking on the beach as the little ones play in the sand by our toes. We enjoy projects, working as a team, even "car dates" we joke as we run errands together and share grown up talks over thermoses of coffee or tea up in the front of our van. :)
If and when the day comes where we find ourselves (yet again) with excessive time for just us, the couple, surely we will spend it as God leads. For now, even moments of couch time devotions, car dates, and beach talks are a savored blessing and binding for two hearts with a common goal, to love the Lord our God with all our hearts, souls, minds, and strength and to love others with His love.
"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow.
But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm,
but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone,
two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken."
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
TIME WITH EACH OF OUR CHILDREN INDIVIDUALLY
Lastly, (and I've intentionally addressed these thoughts in a particular order), when it comes to spending individual time with each of our children, this is again something that we do not necessarily schedule in (though we do that too),
but rather, we seek it out daily in various and deeply precious ways.
It's the hug for no reason, the snuggle before bed, the reading time, devotion walk (Elka's coined term for a walk around the block with Mom or Dad to talk about heart issues :)), school lessons, or one-on-one errands which always include a special treat we wouldn't get as a group, always include intimate conversations on the drive to and from our destination, and always include lots of hand holding too. :)
It's the intentionality of a loving parent, the availability for an older child who's in the mood to talk, the lap time love for a younger child in need, and a relational friendship with each of our children that says to them, "You are special."
God has groomed in us a conviction that Quantity Time as a family is a requirement if we want to invest in each of our treasured children in a way that's conducive to building relationships with depth. Though our love (God's love really) for our children multiplies rather than divides with each one, the more there are, the more time relationship building requires based on simple logistics.
We're thankful that God has blessed us with His desire to spend our time investing in each one and because it's from Him, it's our pleasure to do so! For us, this means less on our calendar which can be difficult for some to understand, but we know for certain that in this season, Quantity Time in discipleship as a family is our priority and first ministry and God is blessing those efforts with joy.
How quickly childhood zooms past...and we don't want to miss out on the foundations of relationships that will last a lifetime as we lay spiritual foundations for all eternity.
"Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth."
Psalm 127:3-4
IN CONCLUSION
So, "How do we find the time for...(fill in the blank)?" We delight ourselves in the Lord, ask Him to lead the desires of our heart into alignment with His, and pray for the overflow of the Holy Spirit in our lives which produces good fruit from Him and motivation from the inside out to do that which God wills.
We seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, knowing that we can't do everything, but He who is faithful is able.
We look to Him, spend time with Him, devote our lives and all we have to Him. We put Him first above all else and marvel
and thank Him when He takes care of the rest. He does!
"Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen."
Ephesians 3:20-21
