On that special day, after months of waiting, our prayers were answered and we were again...pregnant.
{Even now, it makes me smile.}
We rejoiced at the knowing, yet held loosely after all that had happened last year.
Our secret warmed our hearts and home as we celebrated what God had done.
Just look at what God has done!
"Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return.
The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD."
Job 1:21
Praise the Lord for the soul He created! Praise Him even now as our baby is safe with Him, another life to share all eternity with in His presence and that's what it's all about anyway. Eternity with Him. Our babies, they're the lucky ones...straight to heaven, straight to Jesus?! I can only imagine the bliss and the skipping the realm of the fall.
But here I am, here and now still me in this world aching at the loss yet again. My spirit willing, my flesh falling weak into the arms of Jesus. Yep, He's led me gently and by His grace right back to this place, the gap in my heart being filled by Him. He's penned another chapter and it's a good place to be so I accept and I process and cry and grieve as is natural and I suppose, healthy. I can thank Him for the sorrows as they tenderize what I thought couldn't possibly melt anymore, but I have. I've melted even more and in the dissolving of me...I find more of Him. He is faithful. Praise the Lord! God, you are faithful!
"Sing for joy, O heavens, and exult, O earth; break forth, O mountains, into singing!
For the LORD has comforted his people and will have compassion on his afflicted."
Isaiah 49:13
Being willing to continue to conceive at my age is a sign up for hard and I can see that it might look like miscarriage after miscarriage. But I can see just as plain that such willingness equates to precious peace in the trusting, soaring freedom in the submission, and inexpressible joy in the knowing that there is life. There is life! There is eternal life and this partnership with the Lord, offering my body as a living sacrifice to readily serve Him however I can is my giving back a mere fragment of all He's given me. So I choose to keep giving and offering more of melted me...willing.
"And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you.
Let them be a living and holy sacrifice--the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him."
Romans 12:1
Willing.
I am willing.
I choose to remain willing, available to whatever the Lord calls me to for Him. To the Creator and Author, I choose willing and available should it be His plan to design another life in His time and in His way and for His intended purposes. Whether we experience the gift of the child to raise up and love here on earth or should we be required to release our reward straight to Him, I will gladly receive either blessing of whatever-the-kind again because even in brokenness, I am willing.
"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."
Matthew 5:3
