“Adopting a child with life-threatening special needs is like volunteering to have your heart broken.”
I read the quote above recently, and I feel it.
I feel the "what have we signed up for?" I feel the "what ifs?"
And...
I feel just as I know the nearness of the God who promises:
"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."
I feel just as I know the nearness of the God who promises:
"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."
Hebrews 13:5
"The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."
Psalm 34:18
"I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you."
John 14:18
"I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you."
John 14:18
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD,
'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"
Jeremiah 29:11
"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good,
for those who are called according to his purpose."
Romans 8:28
Jeremiah 29:11
"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good,
for those who are called according to his purpose."
Romans 8:28
I feel Him. I trust Him...and as we prepare for major heart surgery, I remind myself that He's got this.
The thing is, in my life, I've seen how God's best and His will don't always equal "happy endings". In fact, sometimes His best and His will include a painful road. I've lived it. I've feared living it again. And, to be honest some days I still do, while other days I rest in
perfect peace. It's the humanity of it all I suppose, but fortunately the Lord God doesn't waver like me.
"The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock,
in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold."
Psalm 18:2
perfect peace. It's the humanity of it all I suppose, but fortunately the Lord God doesn't waver like me.
"The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock,
in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold."
Psalm 18:2
In spite of myself, we signed up for hard. We did. We signed up for hospitals and the threat of loss,
the very things I've loathed in reaction to the pains of my past. I'm no stranger to tragedy.
the very things I've loathed in reaction to the pains of my past. I'm no stranger to tragedy.
But, it's been through the hardest of hard that I've found the dependence that brings me most hope.
It's been through the losses, I've gained that which doesn't come easily and I realize:
What Christ did for me, it came with a cost. It came at a price.
"But [Christ] was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed."
Isaiah 53:5
Christ's sacrifice of His very life gave me the chance to live!
It's with this in mind that we sacrifice of ourselves to give our cherished, loved children, both Bea and Beck the chance to live with new hearts too (physically, emotionally, spiritually). The same Lord God who gave His all to save me, has called us to care for Bea and Beck in flesh and spirit...and we will...because we love Him, and we love them.
"Whoever has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me.
And he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him.”
John 14:21
"And this is his commandment, that we believe in the name of his Son Jesus Christ
and love one another, just as he has commanded us."
1 John 3:23
"By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.
But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him,
how does God’s love abide in him? Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth."
1 John 3:16-18
Children with CHD are not always given the chance for adoption. We get it. The thought of fighting for someone,
loving and investing in that someone, then losing that someone hangs heavy like a weighted cloud.
BUT, the reality is that we ALL live each day (and our loved ones live each day) only by the grace of God and our breaths and days are numbered, brief, a vapor. We just don't always live in full awareness of this fact. But, it's true. And, furthermore, the living in this cognizance of the brevity of life, it breeds fullness of life into the days that we DO live. It fosters an appreciation for the moments
we DO have and it beckons us to live differently in light of such things.
"Show me, LORD, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting my life is. You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Everyone is but a breath, even those who seem secure. Surely everyone goes around like a mere phantom; in vain they rush about, heaping up wealth without knowing whose it will finally be. But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you."
Psalm 39:4-7
With all this in mind, we forge on. We will give what we can for our babies out of the supernatural love we've received.
We will take on what we've been appointed to because this is God's will. I will face my fears for my children...and the Lord will be near.
He will be. And we will live GRACE.
"Then Jesus went with them to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to his disciples, 'My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch with me.' And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, 'My Father, if it be possible,
let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.'"
Matthew 26:36, 38, 39
"But [Christ] was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed."
Isaiah 53:5
Christ's sacrifice of His very life gave me the chance to live!
It's with this in mind that we sacrifice of ourselves to give our cherished, loved children, both Bea and Beck the chance to live with new hearts too (physically, emotionally, spiritually). The same Lord God who gave His all to save me, has called us to care for Bea and Beck in flesh and spirit...and we will...because we love Him, and we love them.
(There's so much to love with these 2!)
"Whoever has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me.
And he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him.”
John 14:21
"And this is his commandment, that we believe in the name of his Son Jesus Christ
and love one another, just as he has commanded us."
1 John 3:23
"By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.
But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him,
how does God’s love abide in him? Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth."
1 John 3:16-18
Children with CHD are not always given the chance for adoption. We get it. The thought of fighting for someone,
loving and investing in that someone, then losing that someone hangs heavy like a weighted cloud.
BUT, the reality is that we ALL live each day (and our loved ones live each day) only by the grace of God and our breaths and days are numbered, brief, a vapor. We just don't always live in full awareness of this fact. But, it's true. And, furthermore, the living in this cognizance of the brevity of life, it breeds fullness of life into the days that we DO live. It fosters an appreciation for the moments
we DO have and it beckons us to live differently in light of such things.
"Show me, LORD, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting my life is. You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Everyone is but a breath, even those who seem secure. Surely everyone goes around like a mere phantom; in vain they rush about, heaping up wealth without knowing whose it will finally be. But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you."
Psalm 39:4-7
We will take on what we've been appointed to because this is God's will. I will face my fears for my children...and the Lord will be near.
He will be. And we will live GRACE.
"Then Jesus went with them to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to his disciples, 'My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch with me.' And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, 'My Father, if it be possible,
let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.'"
Matthew 26:36, 38, 39
Not as I will, but as YOU will, Lord...
Not as I will, but as YOU will for my precious daughter, Lord...
This is our prayer as we lift our Bea before you in the face of life-threatening surgery. This is our prayer as we step into the unknown.
This crux is what we signed up for. (Somehow it all felt so far away back then.) But now, here we are, standing at the starting block, posted, ready, willing, shaking, feeble, needy, entrusting the outcome to you. And I keep thinking to myself, Let the grace begin.
"But [the Lord] said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
