LOSS

This is not the first time my heart has felt the bitter sting of loss. I'm no stranger to grief.

And yet, the truth is it doesn't get any easier each time. In the same way the nausea is just as real and swallowing, in the same way the butterflies leapt for joy in my heart at the secret in my womb, it didn't matter how many times I'd felt those feelings before.

They were just as alive and vibrant as the first time I'd felt it all...and so it goes with loss.

"Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved."

Psalm 55:22

Loss.

It has a way of beckoning us to the Savior, the One who holds our tears in His bottle, the One who cares intimately,

the One who knows the grief and feels it right alongside us. Yes, Jesus knows and comforts.

"But I call to God, and the Lord will save me. Evening and morning and at noon...he hears my voice."

Psalm 55:16-17

Psalm 119 reminds me that the Teacher uses loss, pain, suffering, grief, affliction to mold us Potter/clay. Everything He does has value. None of our tears are lost through loss, though loved ones or dreams may be. He employs our mourning as an agent of His grace, striking folly and embedding wisdom to make us more like Him, to encourage us to fall more in love with Him and His Word.

"Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep your word.
You are good and do good; teach me your statutes.

It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes.

The law of your mouth is better to me than thousands of gold and silver pieces.

Your hands have made and fashioned me;

give me understanding that I may learn your commandments.

Those who fear you shall see me and rejoice, because I have hoped in your word.

I know, O Lord, that your rules are righteous, and that in faithfulness you have afflicted me.

Let your steadfast love comfort me according to your promise to your servant.
Let your mercy come to me, that I may live; for your law is my delight."

Psalm 119:67-68,71-77

And so, in this way and with a heart of understanding my sight struggles to see through the teary blur. I want to know the comfort of the Lord, become more capable of expressing it to others. I want to be more like Him and be able to appreciate His wise (though prickly at times) plans for me, for us, even if this means loss.

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

James 1:2-4

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,
who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction,
with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."
2 Corinthians 1:3-4

So thank you, Lord, for in faithfulness you have afflicted me. May I count it all joy and even be able to rejoice in the suffering I feel right now knowing that you know what you are doing, knowing our baby is in Paradise with you,

knowing that you are right here with me too as I endure this loss.

"You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle.

You have recorded each one in your book."

Psalm 56:8