BABY WISDOM

"You made me trust you at my mother's breasts."

Psalm 22:9

 

Lately, as I've contemplated my new role as an adoptive mom, I've revisited my inclinations toward nurturance and checked in with God's Word on what He says about us moms. I've asked myself some questions about how God can use me to comfort my soon-to-be children with His love and I've gathered some conclusions about motherhood in general in the process.

THE NURTURANCE OF MOTHERHOOD
"You shall nurse, you shall be carried upon her hip, and bounced upon her knees. 

As one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you."

Isaiah 66:12-13

"But we proved to be gentle among you,

as a nursing mother tenderly cares for her own children."

1 Thessalonians 2:7 

These are but two of the numerous biblical references to the nurturance of motherhood. God's Word depicts mothers in a distinctly affectionate and attentive way, displaying love through gentleness, nursing, and comforting caress.

So, I've been asking myself some questions as I ponder how my responsiveness to my adopted children can comfort them through their transition as God graciously allows us to feed into them that which they may have missed.

I've been asking God for guidance on this thought process as I'm pondering how interventions for adopted children relate to the universal needs of all infants, how they validate God-given maternal instincts, and how they influence the way we respond to our children's cues and cries...whether adopted or biological.

THE NURTURANCE OF GOD

Although obviously the discipline and wrath of God exist, in light of this discussion, let's contemplate the nurturance of God
and how He multiplies His love and comfort through us, His body.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,

who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

"The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desire of those who fear him; 

he also hears their cry and saves them."

Psalm 145:18-19

"But God, who comforts the downcast, comforted us by the coming of Titus."

2 Corinthians 7:6

"Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress."

Psalm 107:28

"When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them,

because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd."

Matthew 9:36

"So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind."

Philippians 2:1-2

"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience."

Colossians 3:12

I've asked myself, How does God respond to me when I cry out to Him in my distress? "Abba!" How does it make me feel to know that God never leaves me or forsakes me, that He answers me when I call to Him? I am His child and He is my loving Father whom I can trust. A walk through the Psalms and beyond confirms this.

"As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him."

Psalm 103:13

"On the day I called, you answered me; my strength of soul you increased."

Psalm 138:3

"In my distress I called upon the LORD; to my God I cried for help.

From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry to him reached his ears."

Psalm 18:6

"But you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!”

Romans 8:15 

“I called out to the LORD, out of my distress, and he answered me...

I cried, and you heard my voice."

Jonah 2:2

In the earliest developmental stages of infancy and childhood we learn trust. In anticipation of this need ultimately being filled by a loving God who can be relationally trusted, who will never leave us nor forsake us, who is always there for us, it seems most natural to fill this early childhood need with a relationship attachment.

Granted, God does hide his face from us at times and He most certainly disciplines us through various seasons of life when He can seemingly have left us alone in our distress. However, this is not His consistent pattern. Such interventions from a loving Father God are divinely orchestrated beyond our finite comprehension. Typically, they serve a purpose and are followed by reprieve, relent, and restoration. Though I can see how God's loving disciplinary actions might perhaps correlate to discipline for an older, securely attached child, they do not portray God's ever-present, shepherding, faithful, loyal, loving character on a regular basis.

Additionally worth mention, when it comes to descriptions of infants in God's Word, we read of tenderness, nursing, innocence, dependency, and maternal responsiveness. Let us not forget, there is a difference between a baby and an older child.

On this note, it seems an adopted child who has been given the opportunity to relearn that which he or she may have missed early on, would fall into this first developmental stage just the same as an innocent infant. Dr. Karyn Purvis, in The Connected Child and at Empowered To Connect, goes to great lengths to encourage adoptive parents to think and pray hard about this subject matter. This train of thought has led me to my initial suppositions about attachment in adoptive relationships and filling in gaps from the past for tender hearts in need of love and trust.

ADOPTION AND BABY WISDOM

As a soon-to-be mom of adopted children who may very well have missed out on the nurturance all little ones desire and deserve, I tend to think even more sensitively now than I ever have before about this issue of comforting our babies, in particular, responding to their cues and their cries.

It's no secret that children who have missed this responsiveness due to the tragedies of hard beginnings have some making up to do, and I can't wait to offer such love to our new kids. God is a Healer, the Restorer of broken things, and He can redeem a life from the pit. He can use us parents as His vessels of influence upon our children's lives if we are willing to submit ourselves to His leading; if we are willing to lay our lives down and be used; if we are willing to pour ourselves out so that His Holy Spirit can minister through us. I praise Him for giving us the awesome privilege of showering our new children with His love and pouring into them what they may have missed.

"For my father and my mother have forsaken me, but the Lord will take me in."

Psalm 27:10

"Bless the LORD, O my soul...who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's."

Psalm 103:2,4,5

This quandary brings me to some conclusions about parenting in general. If parents have the chance to give their infants what they need and cry out for, why then, do so many in our culture make the choice to intentionally ignore their baby's call? Why do parents knowingly induce the very thing that we all agree these kids from hard places have missed and deserve to regain?

It seems most who practice a parenting method involving letting their babies "cry it out" have motives for training, teaching respect for authority, or simply creating a more convenient schedule. Some would say they employ this method because of their personal emotional thresholds or sleep requirements, while others might be innocently going through these motions without having ever considered it from a biblical viewpoint at all, thereby following a book-derived philosophy.

But I have to wonder, in light of these questions about adopted kids who've missed out on responsiveness, who've missed out on the assurance of relational security, do these parenting goals come at the risk of denying a baby's innate need to learn trust?

"Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it."

Proverbs 3:27

I definitely see how "sleep training" can be a parenting choice made out of innocence or even good intentions, and I was subject to this too in the first few months with my first (guinea pig) baby, (though I never could bring myself to really do what the books suggested). But that's exactly why I write these things, hoping that another well-meaning new mommy might consider what the Bible says about mothers of infants, not popular parenting books, but the Bible. God's Word deals sensitively with babies and certainly some ways are more in line with His heart for mothers and their young than others, more in line with Him.

Another key point to remember in light of a mother's reasoning to use a "cry it out" method for parenting is that many women find themselves frazzled, tired, or even "at the end of their rope" in their parenting. These women would see the time away refuge from the baby or children as "needed" for sanity and rest. I get it. I've felt that way many a day, however, the needs of us moms are best filled by our Savior. Entering into God's presence through prayer, meditation upon His Word, and clinging hope is the best remedy for our tired-mom dilemma. The same goes for a myriad of other parenting issues. Jesus is the answer, not escape. He is the only One who will fill us when we are empty. He is the only answer that will sustain. He wants us to find our refuge in Him. Literally, God wants us (His kids) to cry out to Him. Of course, there's nothing wrong with refreshment or retreat every now and then, but our true sustaining hope will always come from the Lord.

"They reeled and staggered like drunken men
and were at their wits' end.
Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble,
and he delivered them from their distress.
He made the storm be still,
and the waves of the sea were hushed.
Then they were glad that the waters were quiet,
and he brought them to their desired haven.
Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love,
for his wondrous works to the children of man!"
Psalm 107:27-31

"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea."

Psalm 46:1-2

^"But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."

Matthew 6:33

It's important to remember that the Bible does not lay out specifics about what to do when our babies cry, but it does share words about how our Father God responds to us when we cry out to Him. It does share words about nursing mothers of infants with descriptions of innocent babes in arms. And it does share words about compassion and sacrificial love for others that lead me to believe responsiveness to our baby's cues is most in line with God's character and how He deals with us when we seek Him.

"He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms;

he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young."

Isaiah 40:11

"Call to me and I will answer you."

Jeremiah 33:3

"And I tell you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. What father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will instead of a fish give him a serpent; or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion?

If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children,

how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

Luke 11:9-13

A BABY IS NOT AN "IT"

In researching this topic a bit, I ran into an article/video combination that actually taught moms how to let their babies "cry it out", or CIO as they called it. Interestingly, they repeatedly referred to the baby as an "it" in the video and article.

It?

I'd love to encourage any moms (or dads) who may stumble upon this thought process here to remember emphatically that your baby is not an "it". Your baby is a tiny, precious little he or she who has been gifted to you by God Himself. He created your baby, fearfully and wonderfully and has planned a specific and loving course for his or her life. He has entrusted us mommies and daddies to love our children with His love and we have the opportunity to lead them toward faith in God when we teach them trust from the start. God uses parents to display His love and care in children's lives. What an honor!

Likewise, and of equal importance, we need to realize that God uses our children as vessels of instruction in our lives as the parents as well. In other words, how parents respond to their babies has just as much to do with our hearts as it does theirs. Even though God is not bound by parenting choices and He will have His way in our children's hearts no matter what, we should realize that He is also working in our hearts as we raise our kids. Knowing that God can cover any inadequacies or deficiencies is vital. He is not bound by parental mistakes and He works all things for good. But, when we realize that we parents are learning just as much as our babies when we do things that are difficult for us in our own  strength in our parenting, then we accept the fact that God is molding us too. There is much to learn of the fruit of the Spirit by living life out with our families.

The reality is that God is grooming us as we are grooming our kids. Even when, especial when, we feel we are out of energy, the Holy Spirit can equip us with His desire and strength and joy to meet our children's needs. He can fill us with patience we don't have, compassion that comes only from Him, love that is His, and joy that produces strength. God can mold us more into His image as we ask Him to fill us with that which we can't muster up on our own and He is the One, then, who gets the credit for what we couldn't possibly pull off ourselves! And, we are the ones who are changed. This is an opportunity...let's not miss it!

"But [the Lord] said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Let's revisit the poignancy of Psalm 22:9:

"Yet you are he who took me from the womb; you made me trust YOU at my mother's breasts."

In my contemplation of these sensitive matters, this verse stops me in my tracks. God made me trust HIM at my mother's breasts. Just as God used Titus to display His comfort (2 Corinthians 7:6), God can use me to help my child trust HIM through my comforting nurturance. (Just to clarify, the same nurturance is employed equally for babies who are breast or bottle-fed, the emphasis being on responsiveness and nurturance as opposed to the source of nourishment.) This is a privilege, not a burden. This is a wonderful, beautiful gift. Do you see it?

Empathy begs us to consider how we would feel if we were little and crying, even if it was just because of a longing to be held, but particularly if we had a physical need. What if no one came? How do the countless orphan children of the world feel when they cry out and no one comes? I'm big, and even I sometimes just need a hug, someone to share God's comfort or encouragement with me. If I put myself in my infant's place and ask how I would feel as the baby...not what I want as the mom, but how I would feel if I were crying out...something in me swells with compassion and my selfish desires make way for sacrificial love.

"And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them." 

Luke 6:31

"When she opened it, she saw the child, and behold, the baby was crying.
She took pity on him and said, “This is one of the Hebrews' children.”

Exodus 2:6

“Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb?
Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you."

Isaiah 49:15

In his awesome book, Adopted for Life, Russell D. Moore describes the "creepiest sound he ever heard"....nothing. It was the sound of no one crying out in a room full of babies in a former Soviet Union orphanage. Why were the babies so distressingly quiet?
They had learned that no one was coming to pick them up. They had given up, essentially.

Russell Moore said it this way, "These children did not cry, because infants eventually learn to stop crying if no one ever responds to their calls for food, for comfort, for love. No one ever responded to these children. So they stopped."

And again, we all agree that these poor children deserve to regain what they missed out on in this early childhood stage.
How does this translate to parenting infants at home? Why does the "cry it out" methodology see a baby's learned quietness as a triumph of training vs. a giving up? If we browse around history and consider globally how most women tend to their babies, instinct and nurturance take center stage, books and methodologies are obsolete, God-given maternal intuition guides the mother in the absence of external input (a wonder of God's divine creation, no doubt). Miraculously, He even designed a woman's body to release breast milk at the sound of her baby's cry. Clearly, He was prompting mothers toward His intentions. How awesome!

"For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them.  
For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse."

Romans 1:19-20

RELATIONSHIP TRANSFER & HOW WE VIEW GOD

Another way I tend to digest the implications of self-soothing or an object attachment vs. a relational attachment in early childhood, especially at bedtimes, is to consider the goal of our Christian walk. As followers of Christ, the goal is to lose our self-reliance and fall headlong into the arms of our Savior, to love Him and trust Him with believing, saving faith. This is the opposite of looking to self for salvation. It is a total denial of self, in fact. When we relinquish our hope in ourselves, we find our hope in Jesus.

Why is it that so many find it hard to melt into the arms of a good and loving Father God and release reliance on self?
Why is it that so many find it difficult to accept and trust God's ready love?

By no means would I suggest that parents have control over God's sovereign grace. We can pray for His grace in our lives and our children's lives, certainly, and God will use our history of relationships for good no matter what. Applying foreknowledge and insight, however, I tend to think we moms and dads have the opportunity to pave the way for our children's relationship with God based upon our interactions with one another throughout childhood, a concept involving relationship transfer.

These parent/child interactions relate to all dynamics, but when I think specifically about how this relationship transfer corresponds to a child learning to self-sooth or become independent/self-dependent at a premature age, I grow more and more convinced that our children should not find their comfort in themselves (or a thumb, blankie, or other object). As little ones learn to trust Mom or Dad and look up to us as their comforters and trustworthy caregivers, we can set the stage for their future relationship with God, their heavenly Father. In many ways, both positive and negative, primary caregivers can influence a child's potential relationship with God as we transfer our human relationship experiences onto our faith and perception of God. Christian parents strive to influence their children's faith in God in all aspect of parenting...so why is it that this goal is so often overlooked when it comes to infants?

In his book, Crazy Love, Francis Chan describes relationship transfer like this:
"Most of us, to some degree, have a difficult time understanding, believing, or accepting God's absolute and unlimited love for us...For me it had much to do with my relationship with my own father...My goal in our relationship was not to annoy my father. I would walk around the house trying not to upset him. He died when I was twelve. I cried but also felt relief. The impact of this relationship affected me for years, and I think a lot of those emotions transferred to my relationship with God....I can't sugarcoat how my relationship with him negatively affected my view of God for many years."

Now, let's take the pressure off and realize that we parents are not our children's saviors either. That role belongs to Jesus Christ alone and surely all parents will forsake their children in one way or another, though God will use it for good. (Psalm 27:10, Romans 8:28) Even loving, well-meaning parents are just human parents and subject to error along the way. However, as intentional, informed, God-fearing Christian parents, we would be wise to set our children up for the best introduction to faith as possible. If we pray for conviction in our hearts, God is faithful to nudge us in the right direction, but we must be willing to listen and release control. We must be willing to surrender. We must be willing to do hard things.

Likewise, with adopted children, God allows adoptive parents the privilege of teaching wounded hearts that they can learn trust through new, safe interactions if they have missed out on trustworthy relationships in their past. We acknowledge, yet again, that God will use all things for good, even the deficits (sometimes especially the deficits), and we can thank Him for displaying His grace and love through us. We can realize that even though our adopted children may not have had secure responses from loving caregivers they were able to count on historically, by God's grace, we can now play a role in filling that void.

The same goes for a parent who may have unknowingly parented their children in contradictory ways with regret. I think we all fall into this category at some point, in some area of our parenting journey because we all are constantly growing and maturing and hopefully yielding more and more to God's guidance as we draw closer to Him over the years. There are absolutely areas of my life that I look back on and think, How did God allow me to be like that back then?! But then I remind myself that life is a pilgrimage and when we grow in new ways that are pleasing to God because of what He has done in our hearts and lives, then He gets the glory, not us. It's never too late for a reevaluation and God is the ultimate Redeemer. Prayerfully, He will guide us all as we follow Him through the seasons of raising our little ones for Him.

"For my father and my mother have forsaken me, but the Lord will take me in."

Psalm 27:10

NIGHTTIME PARENTING

In the early years of my mothering journey, I read words of perspective on nighttime parenting and God opened my eyes to a concept that increased my compassion for my children. In pondering how I will deal with newly adopted children who may suffer many emotions in the nighttime, I pray for wisdom and apply the same to my biological children even now. In learning about nighttime parenting, I've realized that just because it has become dark outside, this doesn't negate or invalidate in any way the needs my babies or children have, nor does it change my role as their parent.

Dr. Sears would say it this way, "Babies need to be parented to sleep, not just put to sleep." In other words, when the light switch turns off and the sun has gone down, my parenting switch is still on and my radar for nurturance is still up...and it will be for many years throughout childhood. It is unreasonable to think that our babies or kids don't need us at night. Sometimes, they may need us even more at night as nighttime can invoke sensitivities uncommon to the day. As parents, our job is to ask God to help us rear our kids, show them His love, and lead them to Christ. I can do this by showing them compassion. I can do this by laying down my life for them when needed. That's what parents do.

True it is, I will fail my children repeatedly (daily!), of that I am certain, but I hope that even in my failures, I can honestly know that I have given my best to God and to my family. That's all I can do is my best, and I thank Christ for the rest. But if I'm not giving my best, not sacrificing, not submitting my heart to His leading, not following my God-given instincts, not scouring God's Word for His secrets and wisdom, then I'm ignoring my maternal calling. There are seasons for mommies and though they change over time, God has intended each season for purpose.

May we mommies not miss the first initial and very sacrificial season of nurturance and teaching trust to our babies. Likewise, as we revisit this developmental stage with an older, adopted child, may we intentionally and lovingly fill in the gaps with God's love and compassion and care. May we listen to our God-given instincts and push away self-focused inclinations when it comes to responding to our infants or an older child with needs. May we think hard about what we read and be brave enough to reevaluate our parenting when something doesn't feel quite right. May we ask the Lord to guide our hearts and fill us with His desire to love our children selflessly with His love, especially when we lack the necessary internal motivation. God can infuse our hearts with the fruit of His Spirit and live through us that which we could never do on our own.

"Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart."

Psalm 37:4

"And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up."

Galatians 6:9

"Her children rise up and call her blessed."

Proverbs 31:28

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control."

Galatians 5:22-23

WOMEN SEEKING WISDOM

"Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled."

Titus 2:3-5

I recently read a book that I anticipated with great expectations. It promised to be an encouraging inspiration with kudos from just about everyone. I dove into it, prepared for the mentorship I so desire to seep off every page, straight into my heart.

I was ready to read this book!

However, I hadn't even finished chapter one when my enthusiasm was met with a screeching halt. Ugh. There it was in black and white print, and written in a derogative tone to boot. The author's objective was to express how much younger women need mentorship from older women in a Titus 2 sort of way. I couldn't agree more! But, then she went on to speak of how she used to nurse her baby to sleep, when she could have "saved" such valuable "time and effort" (her words), until an older woman (her mother) stepped in and saved the day by telling her to let her baby "cry it out".

Bummer!

I was so bummed. Here I was waiting for biblical counsel and before the first chapter I was jarred by the nonchalant way this author disregarded her maternal calling to meet her infant's needs and even poked fun at the notion of giving up her "time and effort" for her baby. I kept thinking, doesn't mothering require time and effort?

The study guide even called this a "humorous blunder".

I was really sad. I tried so hard after that to just move on and read the rest of the book, but I have to admit that it changed my perspective a bit. I couldn't help but wonder if she was so dismissive of a mother's nurturance of her infant, even contrary to what she had originally felt instinctively she was to do, what else might be skewed in her mentorship to me through her words?

Additionally, I find it saddening that so many respected and influential Christians endorse the "cry it out" philosophy. No wonder so many young moms are confused. It's important to realize that the people advocating for this method are just fallible people too, subject to misconception. After all, the words "cry it out" are not in the Bible. If anything, there is more to be said in God's Word about love and trust, nurturance and being carried, compassion and comfort when it comes to moms and infants.

I say, each individual must take the time to really pray and navigate God's Word to see what IT says about nursing mothers (again referring to mothers of infants in general, whether nursing or bottle-fed) before subscribing to any man-derived methodology. Parents should be willing to scrutinize our own motives and reasoning when considering parenting styles that work for our families, asking ourselves hard questions like, Do my parenting strategies and coping mechanisms line up with God's Word? Can I honestly say I have researched this area of my parenting biblically, or have I simply followed the advise of a person or book? Do I suffer any guilt in how I am parenting? If so, could that guilt be a nudge from the Holy Spirit to follow His leading in another direction?

"And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, '
This is the way, walk in it, 'when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left."
Isaiah 30:21
 

A Bible study search for Scripture about how God responds to us when we cry out to Him would behoove a reader to ask themselves what this implies for an imitator of God.

"Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."

Ephesians 5:1-2

May we moms and dads look to the Bible before we look to books and methods when it comes to our parenting. May we be brave enough to realize that it's okay to disagree with even widely accepted parenting philosophies that everyone else swears by. In fact, it is wise to pray about our parenting and double check ourselves and others, especially as we mature in our relationship with Christ over the years. It is wise to reevaluate. It is wise to pray and be open to change as the Lord grooms our hearts through the seasons. The answer is yes, you may end up sticking out like a sore thumb, but that's alright. Jesus never said we should blend in.

THE GO-AHEAD

When it comes to parenting, especially for first-timers, it seems that sometimes we just need someone to give us the go-ahead to do what our instincts are saying already. Sometimes we just need a little confirmation. I definitely needed this with my firstborn and once I got it, I never looked back.

The year was 2000. I'd been given a popular parenting book before having my first baby, like so many new moms receive, but it had me confused. It's methods didn't "feel right" and countered every maternal instinct God had given me. I'll admit, I hadn't combed God's Word for the answers back then. I was reading parenting books like everyone else I knew. In the height of my new mommy I-don't-feel-right-letting-my-baby-cry turmoil, a wise and loving friend encouraged me to consider responding to my baby's cues as my instincts had already urged and she even gave me the green light to go ahead and lay down with her before sleep (something my baby was clearly longing for...and I knew it). She warned me that this would require sacrifice and a commitment for the first few years, a commitment I was willing to make.

What a blessed journey and cherished memories I've received! How miraculous that God can quiet a hysterical baby with the simple touch and caress of her mother. This choice to nurture, to give, to enjoy, to rearrange my priorities during the fleeting years of infancy has brought with it peace, joy, snuggles, and bonded love. This responding, discerning has been a fruitful choice for over a decade now and one that I thank the Lord for!

To my dear friend, Linda, I will forever be grateful that you took the initiative to encourage me in my young years of following my heart in mothering. God has richly cultivated the seed you planted.

By His grace, may I also encourage another as you so influentially encouraged me!

As for the book I mentioned on Titus 2, I did end up finishing it (grain of salt), and I even took away some insight I appreciated, but it has remained on my mind in conjunction with all of my adoption journey questions...and so I write. I pray that all moms who feel an instinct to pick up their crying baby or nurse their infant or even go crazy and share sleep with their child in need would realize that God has given us mommies instincts for a reason! He created our breasts to release milk at the sound of a baby's cry for a reason...even when the baby isn't our own. How amazing! God's Word describes mothers as comforters, vessels of His love for a reason. We moms have the blessed privilege to listen and learn from the greatest Teacher, the most perfect Nurturer, the wisest Instructor, the only One worth emulating in our parenting.

Motherhood is full of opportunities to sacrifice ourselves for others, to be imitators of God. We learn the fruit of the Spirit when we lay our lives down for others, especially our children in the early, formidable years of childhood innocence. Jesus was the ultimate Servant of all and we are called to servanthood like Him. Motherhood is no exception. In fact, it dons an emphasis to be heeded.

"See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God.  By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers."

1 John 3:1, 16

So, for what it's worth, I'd love to encourage once more, even those mommies who have religiously followed methodologies up until now that oppose...Moms, it's alright to pick up our babies. In fact, it's a good, loving, purposeful, selfless act to consistently meet our baby's needs and respond to their cries. It is good to put ourselves in our infant's or child's place and ask, How would I feel in their circumstance? How would God respond to me in this scenario? If responding more readily to your baby's cries is something you've felt inclined toward, but weren't sure if it was alright, consider this your official go-ahead! If it's the last thing you want to do, just pray and ask God if it's something He wants to do through you. God is faithful to impress upon our hearts that which He is doing through us when we submit our lives to Him and then He will get the credit for what we can't do on our own.

I pray for continued perspective and that God would be glorified above all in our parenting. May He remind us that childhood is fleeting and precious, that He has ordered our every day for good, that infants are learning to trust, that God has entrusted us parents to teach them about Him, and that He is teaching us as we are parenting them. Our infants are not disobeying when they cry and they certainly are not being manipulative. A wiggly little baby is just being a baby when getting his or her diaper changed and this requires patience, not punishment, especially in the early months. Let's give our children grace and love and meet their needs before our own in a servant-hearted kind of way, for this is pleasing to the Lord and can only be done well through Him.

 "Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others."

Philippians 2:4

"And so, from the day we heard, we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God."

Colossians 1:9-10

IN CONCLUSION

At the end of the day, we all make individual choices and live our lives out differently according to God's unique design. He uses everything for good and even our mistakes fall under His merciful grace. It's important as we ponder sensitive topics such as these, that we extend His grace to one another and lovingly respect our differences. We should also be bold enough to question ourselves and cry out to God asking Him if we really are where He would have us. I pray all moms and dads would recognize the peace that comes when we are within God's will and that He would reveal Himself clearly to us all as we seek Him in raising our children.

May we take heart as we realize that this parenthood thing is not supposed to be easy. Sure, we have choices to make and paths to take throughout our journey, but it's supposed to require a Savior. As we submit to God's will in all that we do and pray that He would impress upon our hearts that which is most pleasing to Him, we can rest in knowing that wherever we are in our walk, we are living where God has ordained for us to be. 

As we ponder God's creation of mothers and the instincts He created us with, it's clear that God had a purpose in mind. He chose a parent/child relationship with us for a reason and He is the best parenting role model. From these ponderings I draw the conclusions that God is pleased when moms and dads listen to our babies with the intuition He gave us. He is pleased when we love them tenderly with the love of Jesus through us. He is pleased when we lay down our lives for others, especially the beloved children He has blessed us with. Childhood and especially infancy is a season that passes quickly, but has eternal implications. We mommies and daddies should respect our infants and children as we ourselves would like to be respected. We should never wish them away or miss the opportunity to be blessed by the gift of sacrificial giving.

"Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to me.'"
Matthew 19:14

As we seek God above all else, may we realize that children make excellent chiseling tools for the Holy Spirit to refine us more and more into the image of Christ. If we aren't looking for the easiest road, but rather the most fruitful, I'm sure we will be met by the God who created everything for His glory and pleasure as He tenderly nurtures us, His kids.

May we become more like Him as we let go of ourselves. May we grow in humility as we lay our lives down in love for others. And may our heavenly Father grant us the gift of wisdom as we fear Him in all things. I pray His peace upon your parenting journey and ask Him to also infuse mine. May we all cling to Him as we discern His will in our lives and our children's, as we follow Him, and as we grow in love.

Thank you, Lord, for stirring my heart in issues of maternal nurturance as I follow you down this path of adoption and raising little ones for you. Thank you for your Word and the wisdom within it. Please pierce my heart with knowledge and compassion that flows from you alone. Please convict me and guide me so that my mothering can be most pleasing to you according to your grace and steadfast love. Please multiply these words and meditations of my heart that they may be acceptable in your sight and fruitful. Amen.

"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom,

and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight."

Proverbs 9:10

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. 

In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths."

Proverbs 3:5-6

Click the link to listen to encouragement through worship:

God Is Our Refuge, from Psalms by Sovereign Grace Music