He's gone.
The email came through, my heart stopped momentarily, and just like that...
more than 2 1/2 years of love and prayers for the boy my mother's heart came to know...was gone.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding."
Proverbs 3:5
We knew going into an adoption process for a specific child that this was bound to happen. If we'd been matched, that would have been the miracle. And we believed God could have produced that miracle. Easily.
Really, we still do, we just trust that wasn't His best plan...and we must move on.
(Tears included.)
I grieve and I break and try as best as I can to forge ahead...and I will. Just not yet. Loss stirs my heart. It brings it all back and the losses past feel present today. All over again, the saying goodbye's hurt my heart and I crumble. The little girl in me who's said goodbye too many times before swoops back quick and hard so I pray and I ponder God's goodness...always.
because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."
Romans 5:3-5
"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good,
for those who are called according to his purpose."
Romans 8:28
Romans 8:28
We still trust there's an adoption-tale miracle (or 2) out there all set and ready to put God's love and creative story telling on display. Twists and turns, His imagination amazes me and we're confident the Lord has teed us up for a child we've yet to know.
(Though we will.)
And, how will He glorify Himself in what feels like a mess?
Oh yes, remember...I remind myself...THAT'S exactly what my God does BEST!
Beauty from ashes, it's His way. He binds up the brokenhearted and restores shambles in ways we never saw coming.
His ways are always right. We trust that.
Still, it's hard to say goodbye to the one we found such love for, so we won't. We'll pray for him always and maybe that was our role all along. Seemingly so. I accept this...and I'm excited to press forward, with wide open arms and mother's love all stored up to GIVE...I can't help but wonder what God has planned...what He all along had planned.
We never would have started an adoption process when we did, had it not been for our special boy.
We thought we would stop proceedings if we lost him, but we won't.
We know the Lord has purpose in all that He brings to pass,
and we wait to see what He's been preparing us for...who has He prepared us for???
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD,
plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."
Jeremiah 29:11
