"Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline [paideia] and instruction of the Lord."
Ephesians 6:4
As our parenting years progress, more and more we become passionate about the important role we parents play in the lives of the young souls we've been entrusted with...our children.
This parenting deal is no small task. In fact, it is quite eternal, so it deserves our heartfelt prayers, intent devotion, careful consideration, thoughtful study of God's Word, Quantity Time investment, and dependency upon the Holy Spirit of God.
While praying regularly through admonitions for parents found in the Bible, we've come to some conclusions that bring peace to our parenting and confidence in God's ability to use us as His tools in our children's lives. What a relief to know that it's not ALL up to us! Rather, when we see ourselves as participants in God's perfect plan for our children, we look to HIM and trust HIM for outcomes...not ourselves. Praise the Lord for that!
These things said, when we weigh our hearts before God and seek conviction from the Holy Spirit who guides, there are some areas in which we've found joy in the parenting journey which edify us the parents and prayerfully do likewise for our trusting children. They look to us as we look to our Father God and hopefully we represent Him well as we yield our lives to His leading.
The thoughts expressed here spawn from such motives.
"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight,
O LORD, my rock and my redeemer."
Psalm 19:14
As our parenting years progress, more and more we become passionate about the important role we parents play in the lives of the young souls we've been entrusted with...our children.
This parenting deal is no small task. In fact, it is quite eternal, so it deserves our heartfelt prayers, intent devotion, careful consideration, thoughtful study of God's Word, Quantity Time investment, and dependency upon the Holy Spirit of God.
While praying regularly through admonitions for parents found in the Bible, we've come to some conclusions that bring peace to our parenting and confidence in God's ability to use us as His tools in our children's lives. What a relief to know that it's not ALL up to us! Rather, when we see ourselves as participants in God's perfect plan for our children, we look to HIM and trust HIM for outcomes...not ourselves. Praise the Lord for that!
These things said, when we weigh our hearts before God and seek conviction from the Holy Spirit who guides, there are some areas in which we've found joy in the parenting journey which edify us the parents and prayerfully do likewise for our trusting children. They look to us as we look to our Father God and hopefully we represent Him well as we yield our lives to His leading.
The thoughts expressed here spawn from such motives.
"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight,
O LORD, my rock and my redeemer."
Psalm 19:14
paideia: pai·deia. pīˈdāə/ ("pie-day-ah") noun- (in ancient Greece) education or upbringing.
instruction that trains someone to reach full development (maturity).
instruction that trains someone to reach full development (maturity).
Ephesians 6:4 specifies that fathers are not to provoke their children to anger, but rather, ought to bring them up in the discipline [paideia] and instruction of the Lord. Concerning paideia, Wikipedia states:
"In the culture of ancient Greece, the term paideia (Greek: παιδεία) referred to the rearing and education of the ideal member of the polis. It incorporated both practical, subject-based schooling and a focus upon the socialization of individuals within the aristocratic order of the polis. An ideal and successful member of the polis would possess intellectual, moral and physical refinement."
This paideia, or discipline, in ancient Greece was a broad, inclusive, holistic training and educational form of rearing designed to produce culture and youth which exemplified beauty, good, excellence. It was not one dimensional. This central ideal of Greek culture included arête: the act of living up to one's full potential, including what it meant to be a hero and a component of warfare that was necessary in order to succeed. It was the ability to "make his hands keep his head against enemies, monsters, and dangers of all kinds, and to come out victorious." Such thinking reminds me of similar battles we Christians face, those of another type of warfare...spiritual warfare. By God's grace, may our lives be fit for battle!
With this understanding, we see that paideia as referred to in Ephesians 6:4 is exhorting fathers to bring their children up in a way that invests in the production of a "good soil" heart, edifying faith and aiming for Christian maturity. This investment encourages parents as contributors in God's process of sanctification and seeks to prepare souls for the spiritual battles of Christianity.
"Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth.
This paideia, or discipline, in ancient Greece was a broad, inclusive, holistic training and educational form of rearing designed to produce culture and youth which exemplified beauty, good, excellence. It was not one dimensional. This central ideal of Greek culture included arête: the act of living up to one's full potential, including what it meant to be a hero and a component of warfare that was necessary in order to succeed. It was the ability to "make his hands keep his head against enemies, monsters, and dangers of all kinds, and to come out victorious." Such thinking reminds me of similar battles we Christians face, those of another type of warfare...spiritual warfare. By God's grace, may our lives be fit for battle!
With this understanding, we see that paideia as referred to in Ephesians 6:4 is exhorting fathers to bring their children up in a way that invests in the production of a "good soil" heart, edifying faith and aiming for Christian maturity. This investment encourages parents as contributors in God's process of sanctification and seeks to prepare souls for the spiritual battles of Christianity.
"Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth.
Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!"
Psalm 127:4-5
It's a convincing reminder to read Psalm 127 with an understanding that these little souls God has entrusted to us are arrows, weapons of warfare, against an evil enemy. And, just as any army would train for battle, families also ought to train.
This biblical paideia, extensive and inclusive form of child rearing, is not to be taken lightly then. It is a father's commandment from God to imitate His desire to encourage holiness, yielding the peaceable fruits of righteousness. This does not provoke anger and it is not singularly exclusive to physical chastisement as some may immediately assume. There's so much more to it than that. Paideia is an encompassing educational life forum, multi-faceted with layers of enrichment relating to the cultivation of mind and morals.
The aim is to increase in virtue and ultimately to bring glory to God through excellence in these areas.
"Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger..."
Ephesians 6:4
This biblical paideia, extensive and inclusive form of child rearing, is not to be taken lightly then. It is a father's commandment from God to imitate His desire to encourage holiness, yielding the peaceable fruits of righteousness. This does not provoke anger and it is not singularly exclusive to physical chastisement as some may immediately assume. There's so much more to it than that. Paideia is an encompassing educational life forum, multi-faceted with layers of enrichment relating to the cultivation of mind and morals.
The aim is to increase in virtue and ultimately to bring glory to God through excellence in these areas.
"Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger..."
Ephesians 6:4
In mulling through some thoughts on anger, I recently polled my children. It's a telling thing to get children's input on things like discipline. They have wonderful perspective when we, the grown ups, choose to listen.
Where does any anger they contend with stem from? What are the roots? How many generations can we identify when tracing the historical implications of anger? What might a parent do that could sow seeds of provoking anger in a child?
How can we eradicate anger? What's the solution, the neutralizer for anger?
Where does any anger they contend with stem from? What are the roots? How many generations can we identify when tracing the historical implications of anger? What might a parent do that could sow seeds of provoking anger in a child?
How can we eradicate anger? What's the solution, the neutralizer for anger?
My heart instantly gravitates toward LOVE.
"And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them."
Luke 6:31
"And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony."
Colossians 3:14
"And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony."
Colossians 3:14
I'm reminded of the Grinch. That mean old meanie, The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, comes to mind when I think of his (albeit fictional) anger issues and what in the world made his heart grow THREE sizes that Whoville Christmas day?
Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control were all expressed by the Whos down in Whoville after being wrongly mistreated by the angry Mr. Grinch. And, they won him over, did they not? Hmmmm....
"Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."
Ephesians 4:26-27, 29-32
And Christ, it's His kindness which leads us to repentance, is it not?
"Do you suppose, O man—you who judge those who practice such things and yet do them yourself—that you will escape the judgment of God? Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God's kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?"
Romans 2:3-4
As we ponder through these thoughts and consider how it is we discipline and instruct our children in the Lord, particularly for my husband, the leader of our home, we land on some conclusions which bring great peace and conviction. It's our kindness which leads them to repentance. It's our love and concern to take the time to train our children in the paideia and instruction of the Lord which reaps a harvest when we do not give up.
"And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up."
Galatians 6:9
This paideia is not harsh. It doesn't provoke anger. It respects. It believes in it's pupil. It isn't rude. It requires time. It is vast and expansive. It is a rich, rewarding, educational, and deepening investment of the soul. This paideia is a journey of the heart. It cannot be reduced to a simple spanking. This paideia we employ is founded in LOVE such as God shows us, His kids. It imitates Him.
"And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up."
Galatians 6:9
This paideia is not harsh. It doesn't provoke anger. It respects. It believes in it's pupil. It isn't rude. It requires time. It is vast and expansive. It is a rich, rewarding, educational, and deepening investment of the soul. This paideia is a journey of the heart. It cannot be reduced to a simple spanking. This paideia we employ is founded in LOVE such as God shows us, His kids. It imitates Him.
"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude.
It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
The more I've considered the power of my tongue (according to Scripture), the more I realize that carefully chosen words of discipline can cut straight to the heart in ways that "sticks and stones" never could.
Wise words can be POWERFUL for discipline, correction, and reproof.
Wise words can be POWERFUL for discipline, correction, and reproof.
...and...
The more I've considered the power of my tongue (according to Scripture), the more I realize that carefully chosen words of affirmation have mighty strength to encourage hearts toward beauty, good, excellence in the spirit of paideia.
Wise words can be POWERFUL for building others up.
Wise words can be POWERFUL for building others up.
"A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.."
Proverbs 15:1
"A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit."
Proverbs 15:4
The Spirit of God uses words from the Word to rear the hearts of those who read them. Could it be then that the very same Spirit of God would speak through an empty vessel parent, poured out then filled up to overflowing with words from the Word for their children? Can God use us parents as vessels of instruction to speak His convicting truth into our children's lives, through us, in the form of reproof through the use of His Word? I think so. The thought of such influential words encourages me. When executed with a right heart, we parents stand the chance to witness to our children repeatedly through discipline and trust building responsiveness as we partner with God in the formation of young souls. What an opportunity!
"All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching,
for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness."
2 Timothy 3:16
The Spirit of God uses words from the Word to rear the hearts of those who read them. Could it be then that the very same Spirit of God would speak through an empty vessel parent, poured out then filled up to overflowing with words from the Word for their children? Can God use us parents as vessels of instruction to speak His convicting truth into our children's lives, through us, in the form of reproof through the use of His Word? I think so. The thought of such influential words encourages me. When executed with a right heart, we parents stand the chance to witness to our children repeatedly through discipline and trust building responsiveness as we partner with God in the formation of young souls. What an opportunity!
"All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching,
for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness."
2 Timothy 3:16
While some would say that a very young child, for example an infant - 2 year old would be incapable of understanding mere words when it comes to paideia, it is my experience now rearing my 8th infant/toddler that the tone in my voice, the promptness of my response, and the body language I choose can have equally powerful impact as carefully chosen words for an older child of understanding. Both for positive and negative reinforcement, we have seen loving, corrective words and choices successfully influence the hearts of our children. It is our prayer that these gentle corrections and contributions continue to bear good fruit in years to come.
"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me,
for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."
Matthew 11:28-29
"The fruit of the Spirit is gentleness."
Galatians 5:22
"Let all that you do be done in love."
1 Corinthians 16:14
When I consider how it is that my Father God disciplines me, sanctifies me, it is obvious that He is not physically here in the flesh.
He is Spirit. That said, He does not physically discipline and correct me with a physical rod. Rather, He disciplines me through various joys and trials which rear me and align my heart more into the likeness of His own. Certainly He trains me as His child and sometimes physical pain is included, but there isn't one exact method used over and over by God for discipline. On the contrary, this infinitely creative and deeply personal God who molds us all employs dramatically varying circumstances to inscribe His paideia in the lives of His kids. His wisdom is full of finesse and degrees of difference. He is sometimes overt and other times subtle.
Nevertheless, He is always a loving and intentional disciplinarian.
As my husband and I imitate our heavenly Father through the paideia process with our own children,
one thing rings resoundingly clear.
God is perfect and we are not.
It's humbling. Though we strive to model His attributes as we rear our children to maturity, we will sometimes fail. This is inevitable. But, even in our shortcomings, and especially as we grow and mature in our own Christian pilgrimage, the Lord knows our hearts. He forgives us and teaches us how to forgive our children just the same. We are grateful for the cross.
"Surely there is not a righteous man on earth who does good and never sins."
Ecclesiastes 7:20
"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
1 John 1:9
"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."
Ephesians 4:32
As beloved, forgiven children of God, we are inclined to follow our Father's example. We desire to be like Him. Imitating God as we train our children includes paying attention to His variability depending upon circumstances. With a grain of salt and compassion in our hearts, intuition on HIGH alert, our aim as parents is to please the Lord with the discipline and instruction of our children. Our aim is to rear hearts with the same finesse and love we see our heavenly Father executing with range. We are not black and white, nor robotic. We are sensitive and respectful to the differences in each of our children as well as the differences involved in the myriad of occasions revolving in and around our paideia approach. As we saturate in the Word and submit our lives to the Lord He reciprocates with guidance. Above all, in our parenting journey, we seek the discernment and discretion of the Holy Spirit...but we must remain connected to the Vine. To hear His whispers, we must be still.
“Be still, and know that I am God."
Psalm 46:10
"Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you."
James 4:8
"Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known."
Jeremiah 33:3
"And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, '
This is the way, walk in it, 'when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left."
Isaiah 30:21
May the Lord be pleased with our hearts as we strive to emulate Him in our discipline, as we heed His Word and the Holy Spirit as our guide. We pray to raise children who've felt encouraged in their years of training. May our "family tree" bear good fruit.
"But we proved to be gentle among you,
as a nursing mother tenderly cares for her own children."
1 Thessalonians 2:7
"Shall I come to you with a rod, or with love in a spirit of gentleness?"
1 Corinthians 4:21
"Shall I come to you with a rod, or with love in a spirit of gentleness?"
1 Corinthians 4:21
"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me,
for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."
Matthew 11:28-29
"The fruit of the Spirit is gentleness."
Galatians 5:22
"Let all that you do be done in love."
1 Corinthians 16:14
When I consider how it is that my Father God disciplines me, sanctifies me, it is obvious that He is not physically here in the flesh.
He is Spirit. That said, He does not physically discipline and correct me with a physical rod. Rather, He disciplines me through various joys and trials which rear me and align my heart more into the likeness of His own. Certainly He trains me as His child and sometimes physical pain is included, but there isn't one exact method used over and over by God for discipline. On the contrary, this infinitely creative and deeply personal God who molds us all employs dramatically varying circumstances to inscribe His paideia in the lives of His kids. His wisdom is full of finesse and degrees of difference. He is sometimes overt and other times subtle.
Nevertheless, He is always a loving and intentional disciplinarian.
"It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it."
Hebrews 12:7-11
As my husband and I imitate our heavenly Father through the paideia process with our own children,
one thing rings resoundingly clear.
God is perfect and we are not.
It's humbling. Though we strive to model His attributes as we rear our children to maturity, we will sometimes fail. This is inevitable. But, even in our shortcomings, and especially as we grow and mature in our own Christian pilgrimage, the Lord knows our hearts. He forgives us and teaches us how to forgive our children just the same. We are grateful for the cross.
"Surely there is not a righteous man on earth who does good and never sins."
Ecclesiastes 7:20
"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
1 John 1:9
"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."
Ephesians 4:32
As beloved, forgiven children of God, we are inclined to follow our Father's example. We desire to be like Him. Imitating God as we train our children includes paying attention to His variability depending upon circumstances. With a grain of salt and compassion in our hearts, intuition on HIGH alert, our aim as parents is to please the Lord with the discipline and instruction of our children. Our aim is to rear hearts with the same finesse and love we see our heavenly Father executing with range. We are not black and white, nor robotic. We are sensitive and respectful to the differences in each of our children as well as the differences involved in the myriad of occasions revolving in and around our paideia approach. As we saturate in the Word and submit our lives to the Lord He reciprocates with guidance. Above all, in our parenting journey, we seek the discernment and discretion of the Holy Spirit...but we must remain connected to the Vine. To hear His whispers, we must be still.
“Be still, and know that I am God."
Psalm 46:10
"Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you."
James 4:8
"Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known."
Jeremiah 33:3
"And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, '
This is the way, walk in it, 'when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left."
Isaiah 30:21
May the Lord be pleased with our hearts as we strive to emulate Him in our discipline, as we heed His Word and the Holy Spirit as our guide. We pray to raise children who've felt encouraged in their years of training. May our "family tree" bear good fruit.
"Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged."
Colossians 3:21
With careful attention to Scripture, we're following our Father God, the best parenting role model. We're seeking to imitate Him in our paideia. We're prayerful and earnest, listening and learning. And, we're focusing ourselves on His Word rather than man-written books or methodologies. There are worthy examples to glean from most certainly, but none surpass the Holy Spirit's ability to illuminate Scripture and direct a yielded heart. This is our lifeline.
"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it."
Proverbs 22:6
So, here's to conclusions, to God-fearing instruction, to loving discipline that doesn't induce a legacy of anger, but rather spurs encouragement through LOVE such as Christ has shown us. Here's to owning convictions grounded in fear of the Lord, the One who weighs heart's motives and searches hidden places, the One who knows ALL...including our shortcomings and failures. Here's to trusting a gracious God who rears and guides us, His children with eternal intentions, always employing perfect LOVE, even in His wrath and righteous anger. Here's to a new covenant, one that looks to the Holy Spirit rather than law and values hearts and souls with dignity and integrity. Here's to rearing children, little precious children deserving of trust and loving discipline from sinful parents also in need of a Savior just like them. With reverence to God Almighty and value to absorb His intention in His Word,
here's to heartfelt, gentle, nurturing, varying, layered, enriched, entrenched, invested, responsive, loving whole heart paideia.
"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it."
Proverbs 22:6
So, here's to conclusions, to God-fearing instruction, to loving discipline that doesn't induce a legacy of anger, but rather spurs encouragement through LOVE such as Christ has shown us. Here's to owning convictions grounded in fear of the Lord, the One who weighs heart's motives and searches hidden places, the One who knows ALL...including our shortcomings and failures. Here's to trusting a gracious God who rears and guides us, His children with eternal intentions, always employing perfect LOVE, even in His wrath and righteous anger. Here's to a new covenant, one that looks to the Holy Spirit rather than law and values hearts and souls with dignity and integrity. Here's to rearing children, little precious children deserving of trust and loving discipline from sinful parents also in need of a Savior just like them. With reverence to God Almighty and value to absorb His intention in His Word,
here's to heartfelt, gentle, nurturing, varying, layered, enriched, entrenched, invested, responsive, loving whole heart paideia.
"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise."
